Hey hey hey! Guess who's back?! After several months off, I'm finally ready to step back into the swing of things when it comes to this space. I feel like there are a million things I could do a recap about, you know, this whole summer per say, but I'm feeling like I just need to jump in somewhere else.
I thought that I would have this momentum building up all summer, like when September hits and I'll finally have a little time, all the words will spill out and and all of the sudden I'd have everything to say. But instead, this summer went very differently than expected and survival was more of a focus than creativity. I expected there would be long days inside, sheltering from the heat, with the kids, using every trick I've got to keep them entertained. I expected that things would get dull and monotonous and I'd be craving some outlet for my creativity outside of motherhood (although I certainly consider it a creative endeavor!) But my reality was worse than all those things combined and multiplied for weeks and weeks and weeks. I went though a serious spell of depression and anxiety like I've never experienced before. I weaned my toddler from breastfeeding which sent my hormones through a roller coaster ride where I had no idea what kind of mood I'd be in from one hour to the next. On top of that, the enemy saw me at a vulnerable place emotionally, and I felt extremely attacked and in the thick of spiritual warfare like never before. I woke up every morning and would've killed for a normal, monotonous day with my kids. Praise be to God, I'm very much out of the thick of that. I'm in a new season of being restored, healed, strengthened and taken to a deeper level of freedom in Christ. I wake up in the morning and I feel like I could kiss the Cheerios that are crusted to my floor and shout praises to God at the top of my lungs for my "normal" life. There are about a million things I learned from that season, all of which make me want to talk to anyone suffering from any of those things and coach them through it and tell them that with Jesus, it's going to be okay. He will work in your darkness. He will set you free. He is restoring you. He is doing a new things. No matter what you feel, His promises are true. But here's the part that sucks, it happens one day at a time. One moment at a time, actually. You aren't going to wake up one morning and forget it all happened. But day by day as you choose Jesus, He breaks every chain. Sometimes one chain at a time. I want to write in depth on what it looked like for me to be set free in Jesus' name from depression, anxiety, and the enemy's attacks. Because the Lord really came in power and did what only He can do. He turned my mourning into dancing, he has taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy (Psalm 30:11) and I want to share that story of hope and redemption, and tell of how good the Lord is for anyone facing anything similar. Because our God is bigger than depression, anxiety and the enemy, and I want all to know it.
Anyway, more on that later! For now I wanted to share a bit about the season I'm in when it comes to writing here. Last year (academic year), was my first year of blogging somewhat regularly, and I honestly loved it. Writing became a love that I didn't know I had until I tried, and next thing I knew I started calling myself a writer and started saying it was a gift from God. I still believe that, but it brought me into a place of trying really intentionally to grow and develop "my craft", seeking some godly wisdom on strategies to write for an audience and not for myself, and growing this whole deal. I analyzed sentence structure a lot more. I tried to make sure I was being gracious in my writing but also wanted to make it challenging and punchy. But all in all, the more strategizing and analyzing I was doing, the less I actually was writing and inspired to write, which was quite counter productive. Right now, I'm completely captivated by the idea of living wild, which has originated from this book for me. Wild doesn't necessarily mean crazy or loud or being 21 or any of those things that you might associate with being wild. Wild means untamed. An animal in the wild isn't taught, whether intentionally or subconsciously how to be the animal it was created to me. It wakes up and runs and instinctively knows how to catch it's prey or take care of it's young. While I totally see the benefits of strategy for a lot of people in different seasons, in this season of my writing life, it's just taming me. And right now, I want to be a wild writer. If God made me to write, I want to tap into all the instincts He's given me to write like He made me to, just like he gave that mama bird the instinct to go find worms right before those babies are supposed to hatch. I know it's probably not right for all writers, but it's right for me right now.
So that's the foreseeable future of this place. I'll be talking lots about freedom in Christ and writing it all wildly along the way. I hope you'll stick around!